I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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