My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
