In America we eat man semen.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
