just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
