Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
