normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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