I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
