YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
