I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
