I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
