I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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