So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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