What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
