dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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