i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
