ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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