Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
