i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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