so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
