I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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