So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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