she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
