Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
