i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
