Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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