By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
