so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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