I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
