Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
