guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
