i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
