your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
