You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
