It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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