and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
