I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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