Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
