great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
