Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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