Your face is a jimmy john
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
