i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
