Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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