No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
