maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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