oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
