How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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