We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
