Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
