good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
