My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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