I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
