p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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