okay pat passed out under dana's car
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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