I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
