Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
