Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
